I fucking hate pop ups. A pop up just erased an entire entry. And it was good. Here’s the rewrite.
One of the questions I was asked, paraphrased: “Do people talk about their private kink life with their employers?”
I guess it depends entirely on the person and their work environment. I’m sure there are some people that do talk to their bosses about their kink life, and others that choose not to. I can only really speak for myself.
In general I have chosen to keep my work and private lives separate when working for someone else. When I’m at work I go there to work and make money, not to talk about what I do in my spare time. Unless I am asked a direct question about an aspect of my personal life, it never comes up in conversation. If I am asked a direct question I will always answer honestly.
One time I was aksed a question about my personal life from a guy who had seen a picture of me while surfing for porn. He asked if I did porn and I answered honestly; I run adult websites and also model. I was fired within a week. I was told by my boss that I did not reflect her morals and therefor would be let go immediately. There is always a risk that your boss will not like what you have to say and let you go. Unless of course you are in a union run business where they can’t fire without *real* cause, or you work in a business that is diversity friendly.
I have made the choice to work for myself. I’m a sex positive, bisexual, polyamorous, dominant man that works as an adult webmaster, photographer, and model. Working for myself allows me to be true to my own value system. The reality is that not everybody is open minded and non-prejudiced.
When it comes to developing friendships I am always completely up front about my life. It’s a great way to weed out people who can’t handle who I am/what I do and a great way to keep people in my life who are also open minded and positive people. All of my family and friends know about my lifestyle.
I don’t particularly care if people disagree with my lifestyle. What I do care about is that I live my life with integrity and that I am true to myself in everything I do. I don’t believe in making changes to myself for anyone else. I believe in living my life without fear.
I’d rather be a Wolfe than a sheep.
Ξ October 31st, 2003 | → Comments Off | ∇ General |
We woke up this morning to loud peepy bird sounds in our home. Katt got out of bed and went downstairs to find a teeny tiny small little bird, I’m talking the size of a quarter, screaming at the top of it’s little bird lungs. It turns out Nikko had been hunting and he’d caught this little bird and brought him inside to play with. Katt revived the poor little thing, and when it was perked up I went outside and released it. It flew about 10 feet into some bushes and started to sing and fluff itself up.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw an orange flash of fur jump up and snatch the little bird from in front of my eyes. Nikko, the mighty hunter, had struck again.
I got the bird out of his mouth, he loves to show off his catch and even share it with us, and once again revived the bird. Surprisingly nikko hadn’t done any physical damage. Poor thing was in total shock though. I held the bird until it perked up again, locked Nikko in the house, and let the bird go. Voila, the bird is safe, I’m thought to myself.
8 hours later we get home from a movier and dinner and let Nikko outside. half an hour later he comes walking in carrying the head of the bird he’d caught, and I’d tried so hard to save, in his mouth. He dropped it on the kitchen floor with a triumphant cat grin and offered to share. He’s thoughtful, he is.
I’m amazed that he could find the bird after 10 hours inside. It’s sad that this poor sweet bird died for Nikko’s hunting pleasure but he is a very mighty hunter it seems, worthy of praise and song.
Okay, so nobody seems to have any questions for me yet. Don’t be shy!
I posted a new ad on alt.com today. I find it frustrating trying to encapsulate myself in description boxes, so I kept it to what I felt was important. Of course there’s much more I could put in there, but I think I have the essentials.
It kind of reads like an ‘about me’ page and gives an idea of where I’m at and whats important to me, so I thought I’d include it in the MORE section of this entry.
The gist of it is: Appeal to my mind and not my dick. I do infact think with the big head and not the little head.
(more…)
Ξ October 30th, 2003 | → Comments Off | ∇ General |
Yes, my day was good. Not only did I find a book to read, I also had a very nice lunch with a friend. I picked up a novel called Monument, by Ian Graham. It’s his first published work, so we’ll see if the writing is up to snuff. The premise certainly sounds good.
It was also sunny for most of the day!
I was thinking that since this journal is classified as a sex blog by virtue of the fact that it’s attached to my porn sites, that I should probably actually write about sex from time to time. Rather than choose a topic out of the air randomly I want to open the mike for any sex/BDSM/porn comments/issues/questions that anyone wants to shoot my way. What do y’all want to know about me or my opinions? Any topic. Don’t be shy!
I picked up some books at the library yesterday, two on sports nutrition, and one on power yoga. I had reserved them online and was really looking forward to reading them. The first book I opened on sports nutrition was all about vitamins and how different vitamins affect performance. BORING. Talk about dry. Vitamin C is good for me, yes, I know. The second book on “total” sports nurtition was 90% irrelevant information and 10% fluffy bullshit. Gah. The power yoga book looked interesting until I opened it up and noticed that someone had scrawled notes in pencil all over each and every page. *mutter* pisses me off dammit */mutter*
So it was a poor book week. I am desperate for something new to read. I go to the book store three to four times a week to check for new releases and to look over previously disregarded titles. During the winter months I find it especially important to read a lot. I go through seasonal mood swings when it get dark earlier and the amount of light I see each day diminishes. I like to keep my mind busy during that time and increase the ‘comfort elements’ that help me stay well balanced. I keep my body busy too of course.
Katt and I often conflict about the amount of light that should be turned on in the condo. I wake up and I open the curtains and turn on the majority of the lights and keep them on so it seems like real day time, where she generally likes to keep the place dimly lit. Light is one of those things that gives me energy in fall/winter.
I find that winter is the time of year I’m particularly succeptible to anxiety and depression, so I try to adjust my environment to make that less likely. In general I deal with a low level of anxiety from day to day to the point where sitting down to relax at home just plain agitates me and I don’t enjoy it. I haven’t been able to sit through a whole TV show or movie at home for a long time! But reading I can do. It’s suitably grabbing.
Wolfe’s comfort ‘things’: Mint tea, books, mac and cheese, chocolate, sushi, movies, beer and pie, my BED! Oh, and I like to have warm feet.
My feet are cold. Dammit.
No ramblings today about body pain. While it’s still there I have decided that if I don’t acknowledging it, it will cease to exist.
Sign ups have been slow on the sites lately. We’re holding pretty steady in terms of our membership base, which means when people sign up they are sticking around because they like what they see. The main goal we have with sign ups is that we get enough so that we can continue to pay for hosting and enough of our time that we can continue to keep making new content. It’s hard to get rich on porn with the oversaturated market that exists online nowadays. You really have to make alternaporn because you love it, which we do!
Tomorrow is photo shoot day for the age play site. While adult baby play isn’t my thing, I enjoy the company of the folks who play with Katt and do photos as adults.
I’m hoping Katt and I can get away for a few days mid month. It would be fun to go visit family for a while and have a change of environment. After a few days I’m usually ready to come home. I love my king size bed, my e-mail, and my routine even though when I’m at home I frequently suffer from cabin fever. It also sucks to go away and have to deal with the SPAM when we get home. Each day we get 200+ spam messages that our spam blocker doesn’t catch that we have to manually delete. Almost time to kill those e-mail addresses. I hate spam. A week away means 1400+ junk mails to kill. Crappy.
I got a question the other day about what kind of man I find attractive. I think he was fishing, but you know me, honest boy. I actually find it difficult to find a man I’m really attracted to, not because there aren’t lots of cute guys out there, but because I’m attracted to people’s energy and personality more than their physical appearance. Most of the guys that approach me are looking for a quick fuck and thats not my thing. Some of them are good looking guys but they come across as creepy, and/or desperate and/or unable to understand “no” and feel that extra convincing about how hot they are will make me somehow change my mind. When I mention that I’m interested in ‘friendship first’ I get all sorts of zany responses. My favorite is the one where I’m told, “Oh yeah, thats cool. We can be friends after we have sex. I like to have sex first because then I can tell if the friendship will be good or not.” Doh. Wrong thing to say to me!
With both men and women I’m very influenced by first impressions.
What grabs my attention: Intelligence, speaking manner, confidence, a smile, interest in knowing about me, eye contact, uniqueness, a certain commonality of interests (reading genre, politics, spirituality, sexuality, kink, hobbies etc…), eyes, vitality, and vibes.
Some of the things that make me go “Nuh-uh, no way!”: Poor hygeine, creepiness(the bad kind), people who don’t understand what “no” means, propositioning me for sex rudely, poor grammar, indescriminate-ness, desperation, and insincerity.
Anyways, a good first impression is pretty important. Sometimes there’s just a certain something about someone you have just met that grabs your attention. What I always enjoy is when I find someone cute when I wasn’t really expecting it. It’s always something that perks up my day.
Ξ October 26th, 2003 | → Comments Off | ∇ General |
I had a numer of erotic dreams last night. One included me lusting after atall, dark haired, pointy eared, elven nymph, only she was celibate due to the fact that she was one of those enchantresses that would lose her powers if she had sex with anyone. Bugger.
In my other dream my ex kitty and I were in a big jacuzzi together. We were both on opposite sides of the tub facing each other and talking very erotically to each other while masturbating. It was interesting because I don’t have a lot of dreams that I remember where I’m actually about to have sex, masturbating, or about to engage in sex. Usually the dreams are of people and figures I don’t know in real life but are recurring characters in my dreams. It was interesting to have a sexual dream with kitty in it since we haven’t been together for over a year now. I guess I do have some very fond memories of our time together so it’s not so suprising.
Today has pretty much been a slouch day. I did go to the store and buy some groceries in the afternoon, but thats been pretty much it. I shaked it for breakfast and had a chicken breast and salad for dinner. The last few days I’ve eaten a bit of junk in the evening. Today I had doritos, cola, and smarties, and yesterday I had a cola, and 3 candy bars. Perhaps I’ll have put the 7 lbs back on by the beginning of next week that I lost in the previous few weeks! Weekday eating is back to normal. Shakes, good dinners, and shakes.
I’m sure my body has used today wisely to recouperate from it’s sore back, sore neck, and pinched shoulder nerve. When I train tomorrow I won’t feel even a slight twinge of pain anywhere in my body. Nope. Not at all.
Ξ October 25th, 2003 | → Comments Off | ∇ General |
There were a couple of interesting stories on the news today. One story was mentioning how Vancouver’s property crime has skyrocketed and now ranks second only to Miami in property crime. The increase in property crime is being directly linked to drug addicts stealing to support their drug habits.
We live right in the heart of the most highly affected area of Vancouver in terms of both a vast number of people with drug addictions, primarily crack and heroin, and also the area with the highest property crime. Strangely enough it seems to have gotten worse in the last year, ever since the police started their enforcement crackdown. I routinely walk a few blocks from hastings towards my place and as soon as I get off the bus I hear calls for “Rock.. weed.. junk” and I hear someone close or farther away screaming at someone over drug money or sex for drugs. By the time I reach the sidewalk to my building, there are people smoking crack and injecting heroin all along the side and front of my building. Usually the side door is blocked by people shooting up or smoking, and sometimes from someone who has passed out. To get to the front entrance I walk through people either selling or getting their fix.
I wonder what crack smeels like. I’m sure I’ve inhaled crack smoke somewhere in my neighborhood. I find the fact that I can’t walk from the bus stop to my front door and needing to walk through chemicals that are harmful to me akin to assault. Understand, that if a person is smoking next to me at a bus stop or on the street and the smoke is blowing in my face, I get very angry. This is another topic for another day.
What’s even more sad to me is that people live with drug addiction and in poverty every single day, and that more and more people are getting cut off of social assistance and mroe and more people are becoming addicted to drugs. Obviously something isn’t working with the system if drug addiction, poverty, and property crime are all increasing.
There has been a lot made of the four pillar approach, which is a good model, if it is put into effect. Right now there is not enough treatment for people addicted to drugs. Medical care is almost non-existant. Most regular doctors won’t have anything to do with people who have a drug addiction. Besides that, local government has cut social assitance to the point where thousands and thousands of people who are mentally ill are being compeltely cut off and out out in the streets.
The vast majority of individuals in the East side are dual diagnosis, in this case meaning they have a mental illness and a drug addiction. Many of them were kicked out of institutions they lived in for much of their lives and put into the community with no support, eventually getting into drugs simply to escape their lives. And there are street kids that are as young as 10 years old, though they look much older, injecting in the alleyways, that have come from abusive homes, choosing to live on the street rather than at home.
It’s sad. If a society is judged on the basis of how it treats it’s most needy, then this society should be charged with a crime.
My stata council put together little postcards with check boxes regarding what they feel are important issues in this neighborhood that rsidents are supposed to check off and send to the mayor of Vancouver. Of course the card is completely biased towards property owners. The gist of the card is this : N.I.M.B.Y. Not In My Back Yard. The idea being that if we swep it under the rug to a different area that the problem will somehow dissapear. Out of sight, out of mind.
Eventually something has to be done for people who are stricken with poverty, mental illness, and drug addiction.
In the second story I heard tonight there are gangs of thugs targeting big men in downtown Vancouver along Granville St. These are groups of men who pick big, strong looking, men to beat up. Similar circumstances have also happened in Victoria recently. What’s up with that? Does it make these guys feel all tough when 5-10 guys can take down a big guy? Manly maybe? Do they think they are proving a point? No, they’re a bunch of losers with nothing better to do than hurt other people non-consensually to get their jollies. You take any one of these guys one on one and they cry like a little baby. And yes, this is from personal experience from my highschool days, having been attacked by a group of boys on several occasions.
Of course I travel down Granville St late at night many times each week. Not something I want to deal with.
A piece of advice to anyone who is attacked by a group of people - if you can run.. RUN. No matter how many Jackie Chan movies you’ve seen the likelihood is that if you are attacked by 3 or more people, you’re going to get hurt. Running is your number one tool for survival. Scream at the top of your lungs for help all the while. If you can’t run or have been taken to the ground, cover your head with your arms and protect the back of your head and neck with your hands and your temples and face with your forearms and curl up into as tight a fetal position as you can, and scream for help. If you can run at any time, RUN. And scream.. loudly.
Blah Blah Blah. Some of the local news I’m hearing lately is quite startling. Well, the international news is startling too, but when it’s in your own back yard it grabs you somehow.
Ξ October 24th, 2003 | → Comments Off | ∇ General |
I hurt my neck tonight. I think I just pulled something because it’s more stiff when relaxed than sore. It only gets sore (painfully, actually) when I try to move it left or right more than 35 degrees. Normal range for me is about 75 -90 degrees left and right so I’m less than 1/2 of normal range of motion right now. I cold packed it when I got home to reduce swelling, and took some Ibuprofin for the ache, so we’ll see how it is tomorrow. Hopefully it won’t interfere too much with sleeping. I like to sleep.
We went and saw The Rundown today with a friend. It was pretty decent; much better than I expected, actually. Good conversation and movies always work for me!
Other than neck pain I’m pretty energetic tonight. I’m wishing I had one of those massaging wands with the huge rubber heads. I’d love to just lie against a big vibrating mallet and feel the pain melt away!
no plans yet for tomorrow or the weekend. I may not work out tomorrow if my neck is still sore and choose to work ou Saturday instead if it feels better by that point. Iknow from experience that an injured neck isn’t something to fuck with, so I’m going to be careful.
Ξ October 23rd, 2003 | → Comments Off | ∇ General |
I’ve fallen into a routine over the last week or so and I’m not exactly sure where all the time has gone!
I wake up around 11-12, have a protein shake, work on the computer until 5, eat dinner, train for a few hours, back home, play games for a half hour or an hour, work some more on the computer or watch a movie on TV, eat another protein shake, read for a while, go to bed around 2am. Then repeat. Thats what I do Monday to Friday. Oh yes, I also go grocery shopping a few times a week and sometimes go downtown to look for books to read.
In general I’m pretty content. I feel pretty healthy and feel like I am making progress with my fitness. I’d like to progress a little quicker though, which means doubling my training time 2-3 nights a week, which is doable for me. That would be an increase from 7 to 10 hours a week, which is not really enough still in my mind, but any increase is a good increase.
I have no idea what we’re doing this weekend. I’m thinking I’d like to go bowling or play billiards. Options options..
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