Ξ December 31st, 2003 | → Comments Off | ∇ General |
This report was based on my surname name now, not my birth surname.
Expression: 3
The Expression number shows us who we truly are, what we came into this life already knowing. This is where we feel most comfortable and how we automatically act. We attract people and situations to us that require our Expression so that they can further evolve. In this way we play the role of teacher. Naturally we are attracted to occupations that we resonate to, so the Expression number can be a strong factor in our choice of a career as well. Our Expression is the vehicle, with all its virtues and vices, that drives us along the path of our Destiny. It is the essence of our identity.
Self-expression is the gift you bring to the world. Whether through the arts, writing, drama, music or through some other field, you bring joy and inspiration to all by your sunny outlook and creative talents. You can assume a new role at any time, all mediums are open to you as methods of self-expression.
Soul Urge: 3
The Soul Urge number has also been called Heart’s Desire and Spiritual Urge. It is our secret, innermost longing. Our dream, our motivation, the fuel that energizes our journey. The Soul Urge number reveals what we secretly strive to be or accomplish. Some have said that this number tells us what we have been in previous lifetimes, the accumulated growth of our soul.
Your urge is to bring hope, joy and beauty to all you meet. You feel the best when you are in beautiful and comfortable surroundings. You have a creative essence and use your inspiration and imagination to make others happy. You enjoy attention and admiration, and you desire recognition for your talents.
Persona: 9
The Persona number describes the way we appear to the outside world, the first impression people have of us. We may not even be aware of how we are perceived by others because we are so often focused on our inner world, and many times the inner does not match the outer. Persona gives us a peek at some hidden talents we have. The talents that we use to get along in the world and in some instances, protect us from it. It is likened to a bag of tools (jewels) that we carry with us along the way.
People seem to be drawn to you for absolution. You emanate forgiveness, compassion and understanding. Your charming and generous personality brings you love and good luck in abundance. Many people will be attracted to you because of your idealistic and romantic nature. Others will be transformed by your example. You express yourself in the way you dress, and it can range from dramatically bold to mystically romantic to “struggling artist”.
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Natal Analysis: April 12, 1971
Personal Year: 3
Self-expression and optimism fill your moments now. The waiting period is over and it’s time to jump up and get on with things. Luck is on your side, and you seem to shine with sunny warmth and enthusiasm which draws well-wishers, (and potential benefactors), to you from near and far. Creative pursuits, travel, and communication of every kind is emphasized now. This time can bring an actual “birth”, or a figurative one in the form of a new business or career, a work of art or even a new self-image. The important thing is that you use this time of opportunity to the best of your advantage and find new ways to express who you are.
Personal Month: 6
This is the month for harmony. Give loving advise when it’s asked for. Re-decorate the family room. Go house shopping. Volunteer to help the needy. Feed a stray animal.
Personal Day: 1
Wear red! Go for it! Ask, begin, and be confident! Everyone’s on your side today.
Destiny: 7
The Destiny number describes the life lessons that we have come here to learn. It reveals to us the path we must take, and the role we must play to fulfill our mission. Often our choice of career is based on this vibration, and if not, then it will manifest through avocational pursuits. We may attract people and experiences into our lives that mirror the traits of this number for us, so that we may develop into our highest potential. We don’t always welcome our life lessons, so it is a possibility that we may even feel an aversion to the characteristics of our Destiny number in other people, and we may ourselves act the opposite. In spite of the many ways we may choose to react to this force within us, we have been gifted with all of the talents and energy needed to fulfill our Destiny.
You are an enigma to others and perhaps even to yourself. Your mind is like an arrow that can shoot deep into it’s subject, analyzing and storing vast volumes of knowledge. Your introspective and intuitive mind then uses this knowledge to decipher your world’s complexity of mysteries. You are a philosopher and humanity is waiting for your words of wisdom. Spirituality, phenomena and the occult are areas that may interest you, as are religion, science and mathematics.
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Cycles
The destiny is divided into 3 great cycles, each governing us for specific durations throughout our life. The Seed cycle begins at birth and colors our experiences through childhood and adolescence. During the year nearest our 28th birthday, we move into the Fruit cycle which remains throughout the middle part of our life until the year nearest our 56th birthday, and the Harvest cycle carries on from there. Taken all together, the cycles show us our particular path that will lead to the fulfillment of our destiny.
Seed: 4
When the 4 is the seed cycle, there may be some sort of learning difficulty, dyslexia or lack of application. Sometimes there is a stubbornness that sets in because of the 4 energy pressuring the child into routine, order and responsibility. Fours are usually required to begin working for a living at an early age, even if only to earn their allowance.
Fruit: 3
This is a happy, carefree time of life, where free self-expression is ideal. Friends and social activities grow, and much assistance will be found here. Artistic endeavors and any possible use of words, spoken, written, or sung, are richly rewarded during this cycle. Your appearance is important to you now.
Harvest: 9
This is a time for humanitarian efforts, and philanthropy. You have plenty of opportunities for learning, philosophising and teaching what you’ve acquired as understanding through experience. Artistic or literary pursuits are successful now.
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Pinnacles
The four pinnacles reveal the high spots or heights of attainment that we are likely to encounter as we move along the path of our life. The 1st pinnacle lasts from birth to around age 28. The 2nd pinnacle lasts for 9 years after that. the 3rd pinnacle lasts 9 more years, and the 4th pinnacle carries on through the rest of our life. The peak of the pinnacle is reached during the next 1 personal year. Pinnacles are like sudden inheritances from a benevolent aunt, they can transform the prevailing energies completely and suddenly. It is useful to look ahead and prepare for our pinnacles so that we can maximize their gifts to us and shape them into the most positive manifestation.
First Pinnacle: 7
You are wise beyond your years. It’s a good time to study and contemplate life and yourself. Spending a lot of time alone is necessary to search the depths, analyze, and attain knowledge. You may be very drawn to spiritual subjects now.
Second Pinnacle: 3
Money, travel, friends and mind expansion are all highlighted and a birth of some kind is likely to occur, either a literal child-birth, the birth of an artistic creation, or the re-birth of the self on a higher level.
Third Pinnacle: 1
A new phase of life is emerging and it is the time to lay down the foundation. To shape and mold a new vision, the ideal vision of your creation, your life.
Fourth Pinnacle: 4
All things earthly come under the 4 vibration and therefore, material manifestation is the end result when the logical laws of this earth are followed step by step. Insight, analysis and persistence will move you through every obstacle.
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Challenges
The three challenges show us the major influences demanding our attention during specific sections of our lifetime. The 1st challenge influences the years from birth to age 28. The 2nd challenge takes over from age 28 to 52, and the third affects us our whole life. Challenges shape our attitudes and can affect our health. These vibrations that challenge us, cause either an exaggeration of the associated qualities or a lack of them, both of which are extremes which need to be brought into balance.
First Challenge: 1
The 1 challenge child usually has a misleading impression of authority or gender roles and especially of the active or assertive role. They may be raised in a physically violent atmosphere and learn to explode when their frustration builds. The creative impulse is often stifled by control or confused and tied to acceptance or rejection. The 1 therefore learns to manipulate creatively in an effort to gain love and in contrast, becomes dependent on those whom they are manipulating. One result is that they break away from parents and subsequent relationships in a kind of revenge, and feel resentment for being forced to break away. With the development of overview, compassion, and intuition the 1 can balance this challenge.
Second Challenge: 6
Balance, beauty and harmony are the greatest motivators for the 6. The challenge lies in sharing the responsibility and in recognizing when to let something or someone go. Self love can also be a challenging factor because the 6 gives all of their love to others through care-taking and advising. They can easily forget about their own needs. If this leads to resentment, the 6 can lose all interest in responsibility and family harmony.
Third Challenge: 5
The challenge of 5 is the swinging pendulum of physical appetites. These people seek stable, grounded people in order to find equilibrium for themselves, and then feel an overwhelming desire to escape the “stagnation”. Change draws a dotted line through their lives and they can feel as though they’ve lived “many lifetimes” in this one. “Sex, drugs, and rock and roll”, was probably coined by a five. There is a strong desire to try everything, to experiment and follow every impulse. Once a situation or a person is “understood” by the 5 challenger their purpose is fulfilled and often bridges are burned. In some cases the challenge becomes one of *not* resisting change, of letting go and exploring life. The challenged one holds too tightly to relationships and situations long past their usefulness. Addictions of every kind can be a manifestation of the five’s need to escape and hold on at the same time. Balance can take place by first of all admitting the desire for freedom. Adaptability is your gift and when coupled with self-discipline, clarity and focus, your wildest dreams can become the inspiration for others. Second, seeking depth in relationships and honoring those who have “explored” with you in the past as being a part of your journey, can make life fuller and more enjoyable for all concerned.
Ξ December 30th, 2003 | → Comments Off | ∇ General |
You are Form 7, Gryphon: The Wyrm.
“And The Gryphon displaced the balance of
the world in his favor. With grace and
control, Gryphon deceived mankind and ruled
over civillization. But even he realized that
all good things must come to an end.”
Some examples of the Gryphon Form are Satan
(Christian) and Baphomet (Assyrian).
The Gryphon is associated with the concept of
control, the number 7, and the element of wind.
His sign is the gibbous moon.
As a member of Form 7, you are a very in control
individual. You maintain your coolness in most
situations and always seem to be prepared.
Though some may say you are a bit of a control
freak, you know that you really do make the
best leader even if others can’t see it.
Gryphons are the best friends to have because
they have a positive influence on people.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
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I really do enjoy online tests. They’re cute. I don’t hold much stock in them, but they’re fun none-the-less.
I wanted to work out today but the gym was closed. I wasn’t so happy. I’m not made to be inactive for more than a few days at a time. I get grumpy and agitated if I don’t punch and kick things for more than a week or so. I suppose I could go for a run, but I really really hate running. My knees doth protest. So I’ll wait until the 2nd when the gym reopens.
I love to read the journals of folks that, to me, seem to hold nothing back from what they write. I read the livejournal of someone that suffers from bipolar mood disorder and was just amazed at the depth of emotion, feeling, and the sheer vulnerability in some of the entries that had been written.
I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum. I’m pretty controlled and largely keep my vulnerabilities to myself. I also think each step of what I write through before I post anything. Personality wise I’ve been describes as ‘the rock’ to which people cling for stability and support. Somehow I make people feel safe. Likely because safety is such a huge issue for me on many levels in my own life.
If I take a look at most of the people I’ve been involved romatically with or have been attracted to, I can definitely see a pattern. I’m attracted to people who *blaze*. I find people who are wildly intelligent and whose personalities stick out because of their.. well.. OOMPH.
Many of the people I’ve been involved with have had mood disorders or were quite eccentric. They’ve also been incredibly intelligent and creative and most of them have had wildly alternative views on life, politics, and religion and had tonnes of energy. It’s been said that genius and eccentricity/mental illness often go hand in hand.
I’m attracted to vulnerability somehow as well. I think because somehow when I see it someone else, it feels safe to show some of my own vulnerabilities as well. And also I think that part it comes from the role that I accepted somewhere along the way of being a caretaker. I also find people that have something different to say *interesting*.
I like to be kept on my toes. It keeps life interesting. In terms of romantic connections I have never been attracted to someone that didn’t have the ability to think and speak circles around most of the general population.
I’ve spent a fair bit of time pondering myself lately. I’m not a hugely ambitious guy. I don’t enjoy the rat race, spending 12+ hours a day to making the big bucks. I’m more content while living a relaxed lifestyle for the most part. I have goals that I’ve been working towards for the last 6 years or so that are close to fruition. Other than my holiday break, I’m working hard to make my goals a reality. I do have a conflict there somewhere between enjoying the relaxed lifestyle and my high expectations of myself. I keep thinking to myself that I should be doing “more”. I don’t feel ‘fufilled’ neccessarily yet by what I’m doing on some level and haven’t yet come to that place of being happy with where I’m at professionally. Don’t get me wrong, I love making porn. It’s fun, and I get to see naked people! woohoo! But thats only a part of my life, and there are other goals besides that that are hugely important to me.
I’m also finding I’m lonely for social contact. I have made some new friendsrecently and renewed contact with some older friends recently which has been nice, but schedules don’t always match, and a few live very far away. I miss *talking* to people face to face. And I’ve been horrible at following through on the few contacts I have made. Bad Wolfe. It’s a mix of a few things going on there - a fear of rejection, and fear of success. Complicated boy.
Getting into the duality that I’ve just presented. Occasionally the people I would choose as friends have many of the aspects of someone I could be attracted to romatically. In my brain I’m still working out my ability to actually be involved romantically with someone poly wise. One of my fears is getting into a situation where someone wants more from me than I can give. Thats what happened the last time and it took a huge emotional toll on me. I have a tendency to give until it hurts. And then I get grumpy when it stars hurting, and it makes me very unhappy. Mostly it’s about setting boundaries, I think. Clarity as to what I am and am not willing to do.
It’s amazing how my view of how polyamory could work for me has changed from 12 years ago. I feel pretty jaded. I feel jaded about a lot of things actually, from my spirituality, to polyamory, to politics.
I/we had hoped 12 years ago, and hoped up until 3-4 years ago that we could find people who would be interested in the both of us and forming a family together. The challenge there of course is that attraction doesn’t neccessarily work like that and the reality is that creating a stable poly relationship is very challenging - period. There’s also the fact that we don’t want children, and finding compatible people in that regard is very very very tricky.
I’m at a little bit of a loss actually. Katt is very much in no-womans land right now in terms of developing romantic relationships. With the severity of her depression, her ability to develop and maintain relationships is limited. I’m totally on board with that and support her where she’s at.
(more…)
Ξ December 30th, 2003 | → Comments Off | ∇ General |
| Advanced Big Five Personality Test Results |
| Sociability |
|||||||||||| |
50% |
| Gregariousness |
|||||||||||||| |
58% |
| Assertiveness |
|||||||||||||||| |
62% |
| Activity Level |
|||||||||||| |
46% |
| Excitement-Seeking |
|||||||||||||| |
54% |
| Cheerfulness |
|||||||||||||| |
58% |
| Extroversion |
|||||||||||||| |
54% |
| Trust |
|||||||||||| |
42% |
| Morality |
|||||||||||||||| |
62% |
| Altruism |
|||||||||||||||| |
62% |
| Cooperation |
|||||||||||||||| |
62% |
| Modesty |
|||||| |
26% |
| Sympathy |
|||||||||||||||| |
66% |
| Friendliness |
|||||||||||||| |
53% |
| Self-Efficacy |
|||||||||||||||||| |
74% |
| Neatness |
|||||||||| |
38% |
| Dutifulness |
|||||||||||||||||||| |
82% |
| Achievement |
|||||||||| |
38% |
| Self-Discipline |
|||||||||||| |
50% |
| Cautiousness |
|||||||||||||||| |
70% |
| Orderliness |
|||||||||||||| |
58% |
| Anxiety |
|||||||||||||| |
54% |
| Anger |
|||||||||| |
34% |
| Depression |
|||||||||| |
38% |
| Self-Consciousness |
|||||||||||| |
50% |
| Immoderation |
|||||||||| |
38% |
| Vulnerability |
|||||| |
22% |
| Emotional Stability |
|||||||||||||||| |
61% |
| Imagination |
|||||||||||||||||| |
74% |
| Artistic Interests |
|||||||||||||||||| |
78% |
| Emotionality |
|||||||||||||| |
54% |
| Adventurousness |
|||||||||||||||| |
70% |
| Intellect |
|||||||||||||||||| |
78% |
| Liberalism |
|||||||||||||||| |
70% |
| Openmindedness |
|||||||||||||||| |
70% |
Take Free Advanced Big 5 Personality Test
Ξ December 28th, 2003 | → Comments Off | ∇ General |
I’ve done very little of substance today. I’ve had way too much cola too. The idea today was to start a writing project. I’ve not started. I’m going to write some articles on sexuality and psychology and keep them in a safe place for when I feel like publishing them. Yummy stuff.
I’ve been thinking of what I’d put on my wish list if I was to come into some money. Redo the kichen for sure. Put in hardwood floors. Have a carpenter come in and make proper storage. Get laptops and put them on wireless switches. I’d definitely go get a massage. Get your mind out of the gutter, a regular massage! I’d throw a huge party too. I mean huge. Yeah. And invite all the people I like and none of the people that annoy me. Hah! And oh how I wish I could afford to hire a chef. And get personal training 6 days a week in martial arts and cross training. Yummy. And I’d open a new business. We’d also buy some property and build our adult oriented ‘entertainment’ resort.
It’s nice to dream!
My face is getting hairier than usual. It’s shower, shave, and scrub time soon, I think. Shaving is my least favorite grooming activity, so at most I only shave 2 or 3 times a week. I only start to notice that it’s gotten long when the hair starts curling and it scratches the skin on my neck. In general the only style of facial hair that I really like is a goatee. I don’t like the look of moustaches at all. And full beards hide so much of the face. It’s all personal preference, but I like a neatly manicured goatee or a clean shaven face. I rarely go clean shaven. I find I look way too… fresh.. young.. with no facial hair. The last time I went sans goatee I barely recognized myself!
I’m desperate to go see The Return of the King. We still haven’t gone to see it. I hope I can go train tomorrow and then go see ROTK afterwards! I - WANT - TO - SEE - IT - NOW!!!
Ok.
Ξ December 28th, 2003 | → Comments Off | ∇ General |
I’m home!
We got home last night around midnight and today has been pretty restful. We had a lot of fun visiting family and doing the 20 or so people get togethers. I’m very happy to be home. I get to sleep in my amazing bed and work on the sites and read e-mail. Life is sweet!
I checked phone messages this evening; it’s been 6 days since we checked. I got a message from Aya that she and her (now ex) partner have broken up. I have to call Aya tomorrow to touch base. I love those girls and they must both be going through a really rough time right now. I’m really stunned. I thought they’d be a life long couple.
I guess it’s unusual for couples to stay together long term. Katt and I are a bit unusual I suppose. We were both young when we met in 1992, 20 and 22, and we’ve been together for almost 12 years. I’m really shocked that the girls aren’t together any more. I wonder what could have happened to separate them. Sad.
It’s christmas day, I’m stuffed, and pretty content.
I’m going to be registering a new domain name for my journal as soon as I can come up with something unique and interesting. I’m going to let the biwolfe domain expire eventually and the new domain will end up being the home to both my journal and my naked photos. I may make my biwolfe site mostly free as well, since it doesn’t sell much anways. I simply don’t have the hardcore content people, which is MMF content or MM content. The challenge is coming up with a domain name that kicks ass. I need a .com name of course, because it’s easier for surfers to remember. No .org or /net. I know there are more names avalable with org and net, but people are very used to typing in .com so it makes sense to do it that way.
I’ve decided that I need a domain name that encompasses all aspects of myself - or more accurately, doesn’t limit the surfer’s idea of what the site is about. biwolfe.com essenailly gives the surfer the idea that I’m getting it on with boys and posting the photos online. Since I’m not, and since I do have other aspects I can focus on more successfully, the new domain name becomes important.
Of course I have no fucking idea what to call my site - I really like blueballs.com but it is already taken by a cybersquatter. So the next few days will be spent working on a new domain name.
With the possible change in site name, I think I will take more time out to allow myself to be photographed. I need to decide what kind of photos would work well for a strapping young man like myself. Crisco, twister, CYT’s, toys, locale shoots, etc.
I also want to know if anyone can recommend a good combination php/html editor. I need a program similar to frontpage or go live that can view and save pages that are a combination of html and php. The program I use now can not do this and I’m tired of hand coding. It takes too much time.
I miss my bed! My lovely uber king sized fancy schamncy bed. I’m looking forward to being home in a day or two!
:doze:
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